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Speed bumps...

Thursday, August 12, 2010
I go back to the doctor today. Apparently, the HIDA scan I had last week came back with some "issues." That's all they'd tell me. They said part of it looked good, but the other part had some "issues that they want to discuss with me." That's pretty much all they'd say. 

So, you know what I did? 

Freaked out... like totally and utterly freaked out. I thought about my mom and when she had breast cancer. We all thought it was nothing. The doctors had us convinced that it wasn't anything. We all just felt like it wouldn't be anything. Then, when I talked to my dad and he told me that the doctors had told Mom she had breast cancer, I thought the world had been kicked off its axis. There was no way that she had cancer. None of us could believe it. But then... after we knew what was going on, it all seemed so clear. The doctors had known, or so it seemed, from the time they did her ultrasound. They had needed confirmation, but they had known. We hashed out and probably over-analyzed every conversation that Mom had had with her doctors. Everything seemed to point to the fact that they knew long before they ever confirmed it. 

Last night... I analyzed my conversation with the surgeon. "If we just have to remove your gallbladder, I will just call you and we can set it all up over the phone. If it's something simple, there's no reason for you to have to wait and get another appointment in the office." That's what he said to me at our last visit. So, why is he having me come back in? Obviously, because it's not just  simple gallbladder surgery. So, what is it? 

Then, I thought about the two conversations I had with the doctor's offices yesterday. The one with the surgeon's assistant, who said, "There are other issues with your HIDA scan that he'd like to talk to you about." When I asked if he said anything else about it, she said, "He just said he wanted you to come in... can you come in tomorrow?" Of course, my translation is: "There is something wrong with your HIDA scan and we need to get you in here tomorrow to get this all taken care of... probably because you have a tumor or cancer and we know you're going to need to see an oncologist." :) 

Ok... so I then decide to call the diagnostic center to see if I can get a copy of the report so that I can figure this out on my own. I know... don't judge me, please. I know I sound crazy. It's OK... I don't mind being crazy most of the time. I call Brad and get his fax number to have it faxed to him. The lady at the diagnostic center says, "Sure, I can send you your results. What's the fax number?" I give it to her. She asks for my name and date of birth. Then, she says, "Have you already seen a doctor? I can't give you these results until you've seen your doctor." Really? Because two seconds before you saw that it was my scan, you were ready to fax them. Great... another reason for me to freak out and think that the results say something bad that they need to make sure I have a person sitting in front of me and discussing it all. 

So, last night, I freaked out. I freaked my parents out... so much that they called my aunt, who is a nurse practitioner to see what she thought. She told them that most likely, the doctor sees something that he's not sure about... probably some kind of blockage (not necessarily a tumor or anything cancerous - that's really rare at a young age and I'd be having some other issues that I'm not having). She said that basically, she is thinking that he's going to discuss what they saw and then recommend that I have a MRI  to see what's going on. 

We have no clue if that's the case. But, even if it was a tumor or something really bad, she said he couldn't possibly know it from looking at the HIDA scan. He'll have to have me do more tests... so... it sounds like the most likely outcome for today... a MRI or some kind of additional tests. 

I feel much better today... I'm NOT freaking out now. :) But, I'm annoyed. I am so annoyed. I am frustrated because I feel like my life is paused until this gets taken care of. Of course, I'm spending time with the kids, getting Bailey settled into school, working with Jake on his speech (at home until we get him squared away into a program), and spending lots of time with my husband, who has actually made it home every day this week before 7... that is quite possibly a miracle. 

But, what I'm not doing is frustrating me. I am not running. I am not focusing on any of the things on my list. I am not sewing like I need to be (Kristyn and Cheryl - you are not forgotten). I am just annoyed. But, this too shall pass... and all will be right in the world again. It's a speed bump. That's all... just a speed bump. 

On a brighter and much more fun note... 

Bailey is now enrolled in ballet! :) She starts on Monday. I have to go to new parent orientation tonight. I hope she loves it... she's been wanting to sign up for about a year and we've put it off, thinking that she'd change her mind. But... she hasn't. I'm pretty excited to see how she does. She'll get to perform in the Nutcracker in December. How adorable will that be? :) 

And, Jake is getting signed up for fall ball t-ball. It will be the most hilariously fun thing ever. It will be nothing short of a miracle if he will stay on the field for more than 5 minutes without one of us having to chase him down. But... he says he wants to do it. Bailey isn't as interested... I think she's tired after all stars lasted so long, so she's going to take a break. Five bucks says that she'll end up signed up to play after she sees that she has to go to practices for Jake. :) 

All will be fine... I'm sure. But, just in case, say a little prayer, OK?! :)