I could cry.
Sometimes I think I gloss over things... sugarcoat them so that I can convince myself through writing to be more optimistic.
Not tonight.
I was scared. Do you know how many times I've watched a football game and called the quarterback a pansy for falling down instead of taking a hit? Do you know how many times I've watched a game and pegged the running back that had been hurt before because he avoided being hit by a defensive player? Yep... called him a pansy, too.
I'm officially a pansy. I ran scared tonight. Every time I started to pick up speed, I'd feel like one of those players. I would pull back, slowing down or avoiding a hill, scared. Scared to get hurt. Pansy.
I ran. I sucked. I sucked in air and it hurt. I didn't really have a hard time breathing - my breathing was normal and even, not heaving or anything. Yet, I had a hard time breathing, because it felt like someone had kicked me in the ribs and my ribs were going to pierce through my lungs. Really and truly. I sucked. I ran about a mile. Then, I walked a minute or so. I ran about another quarter of a mile. I thought about punching the skinny girl running toward me that looked at me like I was a loser for walking. She probably really wasn't, but she looked like she was. I could have totally taken her. She should be glad that I went to Bible school with the kids tonight and felt closer to God. :) Because at that exact moment, I was mad at the world.
I walked about three quarters of a mile home. I started to cry, but realized that I'd look stupid crying and that crying wouldn't do anything anyway. I just walked home... like a pansy.
My ankle doesn't hurt. YAY! I should be celebrating my running again, right? Yep... on a normal blog post, I would. But if I'm really going to share how I feel about all of this. Well, I'll just say, "It sucks." My vocabulary is awesome, I know. :)
I just can't believe that me taking two weeks away from training and I can hardly make it through a mile.
I have a training plan to run a 10K in eight weeks. It involves running 4 miles 4 times a week. Yep. That's going to take a while.
Sucks.
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4 comments:
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LOL... we should totally set up a course for the guys and make them try it. :)
Thanks for your encouraging words, Dawn. They always help. I'm sure I'll be fine when I get back out there... it just sucked going from running 3 miles without any problems to feeling like crap when I ran just one. Oh well... I will be back out there tonight, busting my pansy butt. :)
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Everyone has an off day now and then, even the best. Don't take it too hard!
Taking time off from anything means you have to work your way back up, but spending quality vacation time with the family was fun and letting your ankle heal was important!
Just remember how far you've come since you started, and how impressive it is that you're training to run a 10k in the first place. You're amazing, I promise.
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Cheryl - thank you. I so appreciate it. :) I'm hoping that I can get back into it soon and not have such a hard time with it.
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Glad you liked the blog. I seriously think we should set up a course for the guys and give them a run for their money...I'll even buy the beer. But not the casket.
As for running...don't stress. Bad runs happen. And they happen a lot. The key...getting back out there tomorrow. And I know you will because you are dedicated...you are a runner. It's in your blood. We will get you to that 10K. And if you can't get over the pansy hump...I'll drive my minivan to your house...follow you when running and continually yell "pansy" at you out the window...that will surely get the skinny girl to look at you! And I guarantee you'll run faster :) Seriously, let me know if you need anything. But do know every runner has those days...you aren't a true runner if you don't...and we both know you are now officially a runner!