I could cry.
Sometimes I think I gloss over things... sugarcoat them so that I can convince myself through writing to be more optimistic.
I was scared. Do you know how many times I've watched a football game and called the quarterback a pansy for falling down instead of taking a hit? Do you know how many times I've watched a game and pegged the running back that had been hurt before because he avoided being hit by a defensive player? Yep... called him a pansy, too.
I'm officially a pansy. I ran scared tonight. Every time I started to pick up speed, I'd feel like one of those players. I would pull back, slowing down or avoiding a hill, scared. Scared to get hurt. Pansy.
I ran. I sucked. I sucked in air and it hurt. I didn't really have a hard time breathing - my breathing was normal and even, not heaving or anything. Yet, I had a hard time breathing, because it felt like someone had kicked me in the ribs and my ribs were going to pierce through my lungs. Really and truly. I sucked. I ran about a mile. Then, I walked a minute or so. I ran about another quarter of a mile. I thought about punching the skinny girl running toward me that looked at me like I was a loser for walking. She probably really wasn't, but she looked like she was. I could have totally taken her. She should be glad that I went to Bible school with the kids tonight and felt closer to God. :) Because at that exact moment, I was mad at the world.
I walked about three quarters of a mile home. I started to cry, but realized that I'd look stupid crying and that crying wouldn't do anything anyway. I just walked home... like a pansy.
My ankle doesn't hurt. YAY! I should be celebrating my running again, right? Yep... on a normal blog post, I would. But if I'm really going to share how I feel about all of this. Well, I'll just say, "It sucks." My vocabulary is awesome, I know. :)
I just can't believe that me taking two weeks away from training and I can hardly make it through a mile.
I have a training plan to run a 10K in eight weeks. It involves running 4 miles 4 times a week. Yep. That's going to take a while.
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