Well, I haven't. I'm still here.
A little blinder than I was the last time I blogged, but here nonetheless! :)
It's a long story... and it's not one I want to focus on tonight. Just know that I'm wearing glasses for the first time in my life. Hopefully it isn't permanent, but we shall see (no pun intended).
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I ran across some interesting ramblings that I had typed up on my computer prior to my blog. It is funny how I was blogging before I was officially "blogging." These particular ramblings were about Jake... all about Jake. You see, when Bailey was born, I kept a journal. I wrote everything in it. It wasn't a baby book, necessarily, but more like notes on everything... different things going on in my life, different things about Bailey, different things about Brad. It was all hand-written. And, I still have it...
... and then... along came Jake... and along came all of my fears of being the mom that doesn't take pictures of the second child until he starts school. I knew that life would be busier, but I swore to myself that I wouldn't let life get in the way of documenting the various things going on in our lives for our kids to read later. Again, it's funny how things work out... and how I knew I wanted to blog before I ever "blogged."
I sat down when Jake was a baby and typed up some notes for him on our computer. And, naturally, I forgot them.
Jake turns 4 on Saturday. I have so many cute posts to do to celebrate his birthday. And, I most definitely will be doing one like I did for Bailey a few weeks ago. But, until then, I thought it would be fun to share my letter to him when he was just a mere 9 months old. I might add that he is only 10 pounds heavier than he was then. Ugh. I hope the doctor doesn't give us too much of a hard time when we go back next week!
To my baby boy...
July 10, 2007
Three months after your birth and I’m just now writing about it all. I couldn’t put into writing how guilty I feel for not creating more time and sitting down to write about everything for you. Bailey was the first child and when she napped, I took the time to write about everything. With you, well, Bailey is two. :) So, my hands have been a little fuller!
Now, I’m taking the time, so I’m going to move past the apologies that I will always owe you for not being able to do everything.
The day you were born was one of the greatest days of my life. It was April 9, 2007. My pregnancy had been great – not a problem the entire time… I worked through all of it, feeling great until the week before. I started having intermittent contractions that week and figured it would not be much longer. The doctor had already decided to induce labor on the 9th, so it was just a matter of waiting. The day finally arrived. Mamaw Kathy had come down to watch Bailey the night before. Daddy and I got up early and arrived at the hospital at 6 a.m. They admitted me and started the medicine I needed at about 7. Most of the day was quiet. Daddy and I played cards until Big Poppa and Mimi arrived. Then, we hung out and talked with them. At about 11, I asked for an epidural to help reduce the pain. You were taking your time and I was just hanging out with everyone. A little while later, the nurse came in and turned down the medicine that was helping you come along. Apparently, you were having a hard time when the contractions were going and they wanted to make sure everything was OK. I continued having contractions, regardless of the fact that I wasn’t being pushed by medicine. It only took a matter of time before they said you were on your way soon. At about 4:00, the doctors came in. I knew you would arrive soon. At 4:25, you were born. Your arm was stuck around your neck, so you had been strangling yourself when I had contractions. I guess you had just grown accustomed to laying with your arm over your head… you continued to do that after you were born.
I couldn’t believe how beautiful you were and how much smaller you were than I expected you to be. You reminded me so much of your sister. Daddy could not have been prouder. He just kept smiling and looking at you. I only got to hold you for a minute before they took you to clean you up and make sure you were OK. You were having some trouble breathing and crying. The nurses scared me because they kept saying that you didn’t sound good. I couldn't help but start crying. I was so in love with you and so terrified that something could be wrong. I made your daddy go with you to the nursery to make sure you were OK. When they took you, everyone was gone and I was left all alone, crying. Fortunately, Mimi came in and talked to me. She assured me that you were healthy and that everything would be fine. Everyone was so excited to see you. Bailey was telling everyone about her brother. They were all looking at you through the nursery window and watching you get your first bath. It was so nice to know that everyone was there with you. Mamaw Kathy, Mimi, Bailey and Daddy stayed with you while they made sure you were OK.
It seemed like it took so long before the nurses brought you back to see me. I was so upset because all I wanted to do was hold you and feed you. Finally, at about 9 p.m., Mimi and Daddy made them bring you to me. I held you and rocked you. It was so nice to finally get to see you and love you. Bailey was so thrilled to see you too. She sat in my lap and helped me hold you. She was so excited about “Jakey.” She held you on the couch and we took your first picture…
Later that night, you cuddled up to me and went to sleep. I held you while you slept for a long time.
You were the sweetest baby… and I could tell you were going to be big. You ate so much! The nurses were all so surprised that you ate a 4 ounce bottle! You slept so much. I was so impressed by how sweet and quiet you were… and by how much you looked like your uncles Cory and Colt.
We brought you home on Wednesday (you were born on a Monday). It was great to finally be home with you and Bailey.
I guess that’s when it started getting pretty busy though! I couldn’t keep up with everything I wanted to do to mark and highlight your little life. I could see that I was going to be the mom that I didn’t want to be… the one that didn’t take enough photos of the second child and the one that never finished the baby book.
This is my attempt to work on it! I know I will have a hard time finding a way to record it all, but I will do everything I can. The most important thing is that you know how much I love you. My biggest fear is that you (and Bailey) would lose me before you should and you wouldn’t know how much you mean to me. I couldn’t put into words how much I love you and your sister. Since the days that both of you were born, I have been a mommy first and everything else last. All I want in life is to see you grow into strong people, who love with all your hearts, who give to those in need, and appreciate the small things in life. I want you both to find true happiness. More than anything, I want you both to always know that your daddy and I will always be there for you… we will always love you more than our own lives.
I will try… I promise… to write more to you and your sister so that you can look back and know about your childhood… the special things you did that made me laugh and cry… the special ways that you made me the most blessed woman on the face of the earth. J
I love you, my baby boy.